Bad Drivers

This segment on bad drivers in Honolulu, we meet a typical impatient driver, either rushing to work because he's late or rushing to work because his bowels are full and can no longer hold the big breakfast from McDonalds that he just ate.

In this picture, you see him trying to bypass all the patient drivers waiting to turn on to Sand Island Rd.  He was behind the pack and decided to drive to the front and cut right into me.  He is actually parallel to me and blocking a whole other lane.  The silver one.  Hmmm, not even a "Hi, excuse me, do you mind if I cut in?"  It was like I wasn't even on the road.

 Then the stretch of 2 miles between that light and this next picture, he was going 60 in a 25 sometimes 35mph area, cutting in and out of other cars and huge 18 wheelers and managed to tail me for about half a mile before running a red light.  By this time, I have already realized who this person is, because I can clearly see him in my rear view mirror while he tailed me.  He works in my building right upstairs from me as the Honolulu Coffee bakery's head pastry chef.  I managed to arrive to work as he was running up the stairs and into the door, but not before I was able to yell, "You sure drive like an asshole!" :)  I feel like, he's lucky it was me and not some other person who would surely key that pretty little SUV of his up in a heartbeat.  Now he is in a text battle with one of our construction workers to get my attention.  Perhaps to apologize?  Perhaps to call me a five letter word?  Whatever the case may be, I'll be ready........with pictures in tow.

Happy Hump Day!! :)

Retail therapy!

I just figured out the cure..............RETAIL THERAPY!!

http://tiareteiti.com/   For a dress

Sears - For Lo'ihi's oil change

http://brandymelvilleusa.com/    For a scarf

http://www.etsy.com/shop/MishaHawaii    For some great bangles

http://www.victoriassecret.com/    For a robe to hold me while I sleep

http://www.hawaiianhumane.org/  For the start of my life as crazy old bitter single cat lady!

It's bigger than me.

It's unbelievable how just in a half hour, your whole day can change from ok to waaaaay worse.  So, once again I deleted my FB, maybe I'm conducting a little experiment to see what kind of peace that gives me, if any at all.  I think having a blog is me trying to stay true to my open nature.  I am and have always been an open book.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm extremely outgoing.  I feel like I'm losing all those parts of me and because I delete my FB and would rather take to a blog to express my feelings rather than talk with my friends is proof of that.  I am in solitary mode.

In just half an hour I've had 3 disturbing things happen all at once.  It made me question my parenting skills, my job skills, and my worth.

Earlier this weekend, my best friend and I decided to part ways.  He wanted something more from me that I could not deliver and rather than pretending that he could just be friends with me, he decided it was too hard, and to walk away.  I can and have to understand. 

This week is only beginning and things are rocky.  My son trying to cut class, financial sheets giving me anxiety attacks and my most recent ex proclaiming his love for someone new, by updating his facebook status to "in a relationship".  First of all, I can deal with the work issue with the help of some far away CPA God's......hopefully.  Getting a phone call from my sons counselor late afternoon, I was not so prepared for.  If only I could have recorded my reaction.  You can't fake that.  I was hurt, but most of all, I felt like a failure.  How in the world could he have cut class?  A class he's doing so well in?  Well, peer pressure is a bitch and if you're not strong enough you'll end up following the wrong people.  Unfortunately my little one decided, without much persuasion from his peers, that it was ok to hide out in the bathroom while he skipped out on his class.  Now, because I'm at work, I can't do much from here, but deactivate his facebook and go home to continue the punishment, while attempting to deactivate his facebook, I notice on the news feed that my ex has changed his status.  I just stared at it for a moment and gathered myself.  I was getting off work in 10 minutes, I didn't need to have some sort of breakdown in front of my boss.  So, I carried it with me to the car, shut the door and commenced the crying.  It wasn't just because of the ex, it was everything that had just happened in the span of a half hour.  I know people in the world have it far worse, but these are my problems and they are great to me.

What was going through my head?  A lot of self pity.  I thought about why I would cry over a man who was never my soul mate to begin with, perhaps because I would have settled for him and because I'm selfish and I still want him to want me.  How twisted is that?  Then, questioning whether or not I will ever be in a healthy loving relationship with anyone......ever.  Then, my son.  I'm trying to figure out what kind of punishment to place on him without hurting his feelings too much.  I am concerned about hurting his feelings when he just cut class.  What is wrong with that picture?  After the suicide of my twin, I am so worried that someone else in my life is going to leave me that way, that I try to go the extra mile and not hurt anyone's feelings.  Regardless of what they've done, said to me, or the way they treat me.  And lastly, figuring out how to fix this balance sheet that makes no sense to me, realizing that although I'm grateful for a job, I am so unhappy with my profession.  It isn't something I'm good at.  I want to sing, write music, photograph the world, travel, and sing some more. 

What happens next?  My heart is so deep inside of me that the moon could not pull it out and it has a maze within it with no real beginning or end.  I don't believe there is a man alive who could pull it out of me.

I thin I need a xanax.

I could've had a V-8!

With the turkey finally digesting in my belly and midnight creeping up, it was time to get my game face on and hit the "black Friday" deals......or so I thought.  I managed to make it to Ala Moana with my family just as the enormous line into Old Navy was dwindling down.  "All that for winter clothes and a free cheap camera?", I thought.  Shopping at Ala Moana at midnight on black Friday was like shopping at Ala Moana at 12 noon on a Saturday.  I couldn't believe how many people pulled all nighter's just to get 25-40% off in some stores and brave the 2hr wait in the purchase line.  Not to mention the stores that hadn't opened up yet.  Victoria's Secret, Sears, and Game Stop, most of these stores weren't opening for another 5 1/2 hrs, and already had people camping out.  From what I heard, Walmart stayed open the whole night to avoid the midnight rush of people trying to kill each other for an LCD TV, but even that place was crawling with scratcher's clawing at the $5 DVD bins, Izaiah barely made it out with his limbs!  Anyways, back to Ala Moana.  Dehydration started to set in and the only place open was Starbucks in Macy's.  I couldn't count how many people were in line, so I stopped a security guard, who almost jumped when I tapped him on the shoulder, and asked him if there were any vending machines and he told me were to go.  I proceeded to make my way down the escalator.  I got to the vending machine and to my surprise, there was a line........again.  It wasn't a long line and I must thank the girl in front of me who put her money in and didn't seem to know how to push buttons and gave up, so I was able to hydrate myself on her dime.  Well, I ended up fighting my way into Local Motion to get a pareo that was marked down 25% and had enough of the black Friday frenzy.  I went home to my leftover turkey, my warm bed and passed out.  Two days later, I decided to go back to Ala Moana, when things have calmed down a bit, well, not only did they calm down, there was an abundance of parking, no long lines, and the same exact sales going on as there were on black Friday.  Never will I ever lose sleep over shopping again.  I could have stayed home and had a v-8!

Well, the rest of my weekend went great.  Spent a lot of time with Izaiah, family, and friends and managed to get soaking wet at a UH football game after taking a direct hit to the body by the t-shirt launcher.  Life is good :)!

Aloha,
Amber

Jumping the gun!!

Yikes! Maybe before I start making New Year's resolutions, I should write an ode to Thanksgiving Day! Like to hear it? Here it goes...........

I'm Thankful/Grateful for.............(I hope this doesn't sound like an awards acceptance speech ;)

Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for all that I have and continue to receive
MUSIC
My wonderful, yet crazy, loving ohana
My AMAZING, handsome, talented son, Izaiah
My loyal, beautiful, wonderful, caring friends
My brother being able to visit me in my dreams
Shelter/Food/Clothing
Emma the kitty
Thor the puppy
The Big Island where my family was bred from
A curvaceous sexy figure (lol)
Humor/laughter
Being able to wear my heart on my sleeve
Guava to eat off the tree when I'm hiking
SALT WATER all around me
Rainy days
My Honda Element, "Lo'ihi", to take me where I need to go
Queens Hospital being so close to me
Xanax
Books
Being able to live in the city I love, Honolulu
IHS to shelter those who need it
Hospice Hawaii for helping my Momma when she was alive
Suicide Prevention Hawaii and the group of wonderful ladies who helped me through a dark time
OSPCA/Human Society

And so much more, but that's just a few . ;) I wish everyone a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!

2012 New Years Resolutions.............

Let's start the new year off by being thankful for all the good we see in ourselves, rather than the things we want to change.  I encourage everyone to write a list, no matter how long or short, of all the good qualities you possess and all the things that make you....you.  Then make all the new years resolutions you want after that and really stick to them.

 Hmmmmm, a friend once told me, "We Virgo's need love, depriving us of love, is like depriving a flower of sunlight"  and she is so right.  It's amazing how like a Virgo and a Horse (Chinese astrology) I really am.   Here's what I'm like in it's entirety.

Amber is......................

A mother and a father, Color coordinated closets, sensitive, anxious, always at least 15 minutes early, stubborn as all hell, love's purple, loves the outdoors, believes being in the ocean will cure any and all unhappiness, Love's every kind of music, a singer and songwriter, easily excitable, you wouldn't believe all the little things that I can get overly excited about, especially useless knowledge.  Extroverted (maybe a little introverted since September 2009), trustworthy, loyal, open-minded, enjoy being alone at times, independent, procrastinator, outgoing, loving, love's making new friends, impatient, absolutely no tolerance for mean people and gossiping, able to see beauty in everything and every person (there is no such thing as ugly, every person is beautiful), jealous at times, love doing volunteer and charity work, a lover of all animals, hate's spiders, no allergies, believes in magic, fate, soul mates, and real love.  Love's to read, love's to get caught up in the books and story lines, love's movies, friends, eating out, laughing, is very forgiving, never holds a grudge and most of all, Amber is very very hopeful.


Here's something fun to read.  Which brain you are most like?  I am VERY right brained.......

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling - This is definitely me!
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images

present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

New Year's Resolutions...............

1. STOP Procrastinating with my music
2. Find real peace within myself
3. Make my way back to church (already started this one)
4. Be a better example to my son
5. Wake up every day with a smile
6. Let go of the road rage (already started this one too, I find that when I have both hands on the wheel, I feel like a nicer driver.....lol)
7. Exercise more (maybe lose 15lbs)
8. Learn a new language
9. Learn the tango
10. Learn to surf on "red sonja"
11. Travel
12. Read at least 25 new books
13. Be debt free :)
14. Maybe open myself up to dating
15. Blog more, facebook less
16. Try to say "hi" to every person who makes eye contact with me

It seems like a lot already, but I'm sure I'll add to the list as the year goes along. 

Hau'oli La Ho'omaika'i!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Amber

Genesis • Man On The Corner